i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
We smell like vodka and hangover
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