alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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