his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize