Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize