my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize