So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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