kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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