guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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