I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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