I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
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I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize