And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
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I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Pants are for mortals
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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