hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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