I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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