walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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