May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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