I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
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and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
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