dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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