you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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