pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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