I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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