YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
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I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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