My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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