so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
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The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He keeps bees of course he's weird
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Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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