I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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