He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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