..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
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keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
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Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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