I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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