Sry I called you an 8
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
zippers are such a cool invention
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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