I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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