I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
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It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
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How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize