No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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