you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
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