My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
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