dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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