So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
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also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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