i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
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New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
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I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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