He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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