look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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