we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize