The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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