Where are you?
In a non slutty way
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize