Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
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