She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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