We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
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