I just saw a hot homeless man
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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