I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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