i think my tv is drunk
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize