I didn't shave. On purpose
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize