I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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