As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize